On behalf of Duff & Kronfeld, P.C. posted in blog on Friday, May 19, 2017.
Men and women alike often face troubling issues when a marriage falls apart. Each individual may have questions about how to proceed – even a person who has gone through divorce before. Parents often have contentious disputes concerning child custody and parenting issues. Yet, during a time of tremendous stress, it is often difficult for people to focus on how to best move forward for the benefit of the kids, as well as for their own well being. Some mistakes seem to be more common than others. For that reason, we are outlining a few of the typical mistakes people make that can make their divorce more difficult.
Some common actions and reactions that may be better to avoid when going through divorce include:
- Putting the kids in the middle – The primary caregiver is not the only parent who may try to use the kids as a source of power. While a caregiver for the children may attempt to use relationships to gain an advantage, putting the kids in the middle of the argument may not be the best choice to serve the interests of the children. Similarly, the parent who provides significant financial support may try to use that power to influence control in parenting decisions. These tactics can be harmful to the parent-child relationship and to the overall legal strategy in divorce. Putting the kids first is generally the best course of action for many reasons.
- Using personal attacks to anger your soon-to-be ex – Married couples generally learn intimate details about their partners. As a couple grows apart, it may seem easy to know what buttons to push to anger your spouse. However, repeated personal attacks can create deeper animosity that can be difficult to overturn. Many individuals dig in their heels during the dissolution of marriage, increasing the emotional and financial costs. Pouring salt into open wounds often increases resentment in a difficult time and can lead to more contentious court battles.
- Turning to anger to make a point – Not every divorce is amicable. Disagreements and arguments are common. Yet, anger often clouds judgment and statements intended to make a point can be difficult to overcome later on in negotiations. Statements and other actions that are founded in anger can adversely impact a legal position in court. Stepping back and consulting with an attorney can help you to avoid making mistakes that can later come back in a court order.
Getting through divorce is seldom without its hurdles. However, when a marriage is over it is often better to move on to a brighter future. While it is difficult to avoid making mistakes completely, discussing your goals and legal positions with your lawyer early on can help you to focus on getting through the process efficiently. Deepening the friction and animosity often results in a longer battle in court.